Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Getting Off the Bench

"Then will we dance? I cannot believe it is so far between knowing what must be done and doing it." ~ from River Notes by Barry Lopez

Reading on the train this morning, the line stopped me cold. It reached back years and rang a bell. The work itself, imposed and imposing, was the thing. Who am I to accomplish it? The eternal question, born of fearful messaging, reared on a healthy diet of ostracizing and bullying. The shying away from anything that might be witnessed. Winning was only considered in tiny realms supported by the few. Teachers, friends. I, the dust speck born to watch, reared to stand behind and monitor the rise and fall of things. Some find the strength to push through. I have had friends who disappeared. So strange to feel one's self created a sentinel only to observe, any visible accomplishment better left to the stronger ones, the ones who build the mountains.

But now I know that work and no work feel the same. Two sides of the coin in hand. Now it is the so-much-to-be-done that overwhelms, the knowledge that I can do it all. It is the focusing and moving forward amidst the confusion and white noise all around.

With this post comes a renewed attempt to post weekly.

Comments and suggestions from you, the ones who read, are appreciated.


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